Enneagram Type 3’s Personality Pearl
As an Enneagram type 3 my grain of sand is heart, worth and exaggeration.
This means I am driven mostly by my emotional needs. Even if I am unconscious about this.
It also means that self-worth is central to the reason why I do what I do. And because of my self-worth and my heart, I might exaggerate certain qualities in me so that you see me in a certain way.
So, What Do We Mean by Enneagram Type 3 being focused on building self-worth?
I’m hoping you’ll see me in a way that validates my self-esteem.
The way I want to be seen is that I want to be seen as the best.
For me failure triggers my sense of low worth, and so I don’t want to even look at that.
Instead I’m going to try to be the best.
- My heart is invested in winning.
- My sense of self-esteem is invested in winning.
And I’ll exaggerate whatever characteristics in me that I need to, in order to not have to look at my heart and my sense of self-worth.
That is until I grow to my highest expression.
As a type 3 therefore, I want you to see me, as the best.
Now this depends on where I choose to win.
- If I play the corporate game I want you to see me as the best in corporate.
- If I’m trying to play the athletic game I want you to see me the best in athletics.
- If I’m very spiritual and I’m trying to win that game, I want you to see me as the most spiritual.
So, don’t assume that I am always going to be playing the game of business or money.
Striving and achievement are really important to me.
I want you to see me as the best.
I want to be visible when I choose to show you my best.
I am a “yes” person”.
I don’t want to say no because ‘no‘ might imply that I can’t do it. And because my self-esteem is connected to whether I can.
I want to accept the challenge and so that means I tend to say yes too often.
It’s only in my highest expressions that I learn to start saying no.
Enneagram Type 3’s Key Words
I can be quite charming. I can flatter.
And I know how to work a relationship or a room if I want to. This is because I am very driven.
I’m driven by goal posts, goals are very important to me. In fact, I feel lost without goals, even depressed.
First place or number 1 is the only prize that I’m after.
I want to do things quicker, easier and I want the most efficient way to do everything.
I’m an action person and I want to take action quickly.
I don’t want to fail, I want to just know what to do to succeed and get it done.
I’m competitive even if I don’t show this, because winning is everything.
If I decide to engage in a hobby on the weekend, I can’t do this casually, I have to throw myself into it completely and strive to perform at the highest.
If I decide to cook a meal I want to look for the quickest, easiest way to cook the best meal that I can.
The people in my life I believe also need to be striving towards winning. I don’t tend to tolerate losers really well.
For me, everything is about achieving. I want to achieve so much in my life, there’s so much to do and very little time to do it.
And this is unfortunately why I might tend to over promise, and therefore can under deliver.
It’s hard to juggle all these balls and to accomplish and to achieve in all the ways that I want to.
I even try to out do my own to do list.
If I need to I can become a networker, I can just pick up the phone and ask whoever I need in order to help me to succeed.
I can have tunnel vision.
I’m a natural entrepreneur.
If I’m employed then I’m like a natural intrapreneur.
But I want to be the star of my own story.
I don’t mind if you throw a little spotlight my way occasionally although sometimes I prefer that you look at what I’ve done as opposed to looking at me.
I want to show you everything that I’ve done.
I’m quite focused on my own needs, on my own wants and my own vision.
I can suffer from a bit of vanity, only because my self-worth is quite attached to how I am seen.
And therefore, I might be putting a bit of effort into hoping that you will see me in a certain way.
I can be very entertaining when I want to be, but always in the back of my mind are my goals and my dreams that I am working towards.
Have a look at my enneagram cartoon.
Notice that I am standing and smiling on my podium with my hands on my hips.
Notice that I have star, I want to be the star!
For me second or third won’t matter. Being first, this is what I’m after.
Enneagram Type 3’s Lowest Expression
Now at my stress point I tend to collapse into some of the worse characteristics of type 9.
This means that I procrastinate, and I tend to avoid.
Sometimes when I’ve over promised and under delivered the pressure comes and people start demanding and I realize that I might fail to impress and I that I might fail to deliver.
Then I access the worst of 9 and become quite heavy, even depressed because I realize I’ve taken on too much.
But I don’t want to face that because ‘surely I can do it.’
I can collapse into my 9 when I realize that even when I do succeed, there’s an emptiness to success that frightens me.
Type 3’s Highest Expression
It’s only when I access type 6 on the Enneagram, the best of type 6, which is my polarity, that I can discover deep meaning and success.
When I collapse the polarity with type 6 I learn to be humble.
I learn to accept and even seek feedback which is not easy for me because of my worth.
But when I humble myself to learning, which is the highest expression of type 6 and when I move into service in order to succeed, suddenly success has a texture to it, that is meaningful and rich.
Instead of winning for the sake of winning, I am now winning for the team.
- I am now making a difference and changing lives, instead of winning just for winning.
- I want to make a difference with my life.
So, at my highest expression as a type 3, I humble myself.
I take on feedback.
I realize that quality is more important than quantity.
Now I move into action and I motivate and inspire others and we move to succeed for the betterment of us all.
That is my highest expression, and that is what brings me true meaning as well as success.
That is type 3.